Cold emails have become an essential tool in modern business, offering a way to reach potential clients who may not have heard of your brand otherwise. When done right, a cold email can open doors to lucrative sales and lasting business relationships. However, if done poorly, even if sent at the perfect time, it can create scepticism and frustrate the recipient.

This morning, I received a cold email from the CEO of a relatively successful brand, judging by their website and reviews. Unfortunately, the email was written with all the finesse of a left-handed polar bear. To help you avoid the same pitfalls, I’ll break down the email and highlight how it could have been improved.

By the end of this blog, you’ll see a transformed version of the email that demonstrates how a little research and thoughtful writing can make a significant difference.

Breaking Down the Email: Key Mistakes and Solutions

1. Greeting – My Name is Ash, Not Greg

The email started with “Hello Greg,” which is not my name. This mistake shows a lack of basic research and attention to detail.

Solution: Always double-check the recipient’s name and company before sending your email. Addressing someone incorrectly can make them feel unimportant and show that you haven’t done your homework. It’s a basic courtesy that makes a big difference.

2. Jargon – Speak Clearly

The email was filled with jargon like “DTC brand” and “ROAS.” While these terms might be common in the sender’s industry, they assumed I knew what they meant.

Solution: Avoid jargon or explain it clearly if necessary. Ensure your language is accessible to your audience so they don’t feel alienated or confused. For example, instead of “ROAS,” you could say “Return on Ad Spend (ROAS),” followed by a brief explanation.

3. Formatting – Keep It Engaging

The email’s formatting was another issue. It contained random short sentences that disrupted the flow and didn’t add any impact.

Solution: Vary your sentence length thoughtfully. Short sentences can add punch to your message, but only if used correctly. Keep the narrative smooth and engaging. Group related ideas into concise paragraphs to maintain readability and flow.

4. Length – Be Concise

This email was far too long for a cold email. The only reason I finished reading it was because I realised I would write a blog about it; otherwise, I would have deleted it halfway through.

Solution: Keep your cold emails concise and to the point. Busy professionals don’t have time to read lengthy emails. Get to the main message quickly. Aim for clarity and brevity.

5. Irrelevant Information – Keep the Focus on the Recipient

The email included detailed information about what they did for another customer, which felt irrelevant and did not explain why it mattered to me.

Solution: Instead of focusing on detailed case studies about other clients, relate the information directly to the recipient’s potential needs. For example, rather than saying, “We set up several non-branded search campaigns for their top product categories,” you could say, “By focusing on new strategies tailored to your business, we can help you attract fresh customers and boost your sales

6. What’s In It for Me? – Address the Recipient’s Needs

The number one question everyone is thinking when you try to sell to them is, “What’s in it for me?” It took this email three-quarters of its length to address why I should care and how the sender could help me. By then, I had lost interest.

Solution: Answer “What’s in it for me?” early in your email. Focus on how you can solve a problem or add value for the recipient from the start. Highlight the benefits they will gain from engaging with you.

7. Ambiguous Call to Action – Be Clear and Compelling

The call to action “Click here if you are interested” was vague and not compelling. It was also a link from a random email, how do I know it isn’t a potential cyber attack.

Solution: Use clear, action-oriented phrases like “Schedule your free audit” or “Book a consultation.” Make it easy for the recipient to understand what you want them to do next. For example, “Discover how we can boost your sales – [Book your free audit now]” is direct and enticing.

8. Proof of Success – Build Credibility with Concrete Examples

The email mentioned generating over $160M in sales but lacked specific examples or case studies that provide credibility.

Solution: Include specific examples or brief case studies that demonstrate your success. For instance, “One client saw a 300% increase in sales within three months after implementing our strategies” adds credibility and makes your claims more convincing.

10. Odd Sign-Off – Keep It Professional

The email ended with “See you in the next one,” which is unusual for a professional cold email, and makes no sense, see me in the next what?

Solution: Use a professional and courteous sign-off. Instead of “See you in the next one,” a better closing would be “Looking forward to your response” or “Best regards.”

A Revised Version of the Email

To show you how these tips come together, here’s a revised version of the original email:

Subject: Improve Your Google Ads Performance

Hello Ash,

Your company appears to have great potential for growth, and I wanted to share how we can help you achieve better results with your digital marketing efforts.

Many businesses struggle to scale their Google Ads campaigns effectively. We’ve helped clients overcome these challenges by identifying key issues and implementing tailored strategies.

Why is this important for you?

Google Ads can be tricky. With our expertise, we can pinpoint issues and find opportunities to grow your business.

Interested in learning more?
Let’s schedule a quick call to discuss how we can help your company. We also offer a free audit to identify your challenges and provide a 90-day plan to improve your ad performance.

Would next week work for a call? [Book your obligation free call here]

Best regards,

By addressing the recipient correctly, avoiding jargon, formatting the email clearly, keeping it concise, and focusing on the recipient’s needs, you can craft a cold email that engages and converts.

Final Thoughts

Cold emails are a powerful tool when used correctly. Remember to personalise, simplify, and be concise. Always focus on what’s in it for the recipient. By following these tips, you can avoid the mistakes I encountered and create emails that open doors rather than close them.

About Dare 2 Sell:

Dare 2 Sell is a leading sales training and consulting firm dedicated to empowering businesses and individuals to achieve sales excellence. With a focus on ethical sales practices and long-lasting customer relationships, we offer bespoke training programs, one-on-one coaching, and strategic consulting services. Our mission is to transform your sales approach, drive profitability, and help you reach new heights of success. Visit our website to learn more about how we can help you dare to sell with confidence and integrity.